【正文】Dear My Love
The first time Eijun came to Kazuya, Eijun was-
Kazuya remembers staring at Kuramochi, cradling Eijun to his chest, this sleeping creature that looked so fragile, and being incredulous that he was supposed to be responsible for him. Even then, he was conscious of the way Eijun’s pitterpatter heartbeat felt, the way he sighed and curled deeper into Kazuya’s warmth, a rumbling purr even in his sleep.
Eijun cried almost every day for the first week.
The first night was terrible, because Kazuya read on the internet why first time pet owners should refrain from allowing their pets to sleep on their bed, because it eventually became their space, but these article writers probably never had to deal with the pitiful cries of a lost kitten Eijun, who promised to be good, he didn’t want to be thrown away, please please please Master Miyuki, hiccuping sobs that cut into the heart, for all that they said Kazuya didn’t have one.
Even after Kazuya let Eijun into his bed, Eijun continued to cry, heaving sobs that shook that little body, trying to be silent, a stark contrast to his bubbly nature in the morning, a whirlwind of menace and happiness. Mochi nii-san found him too noisy, which was why he threw Eijun away, will Master Miyuki throw him away too, he’ll be quiet, he’ll be a mouse-
Kazuya places a hand over his body and Eijun is so small, small enough to fit into the palm of his hand, small enough that Kazuya can curl his fingers around his waist and feel the way his breathing tapered off as he cried himself to exhausted sleep.
“Oi, Sawamura,” Kazuya calls, in the morning and his little kitten comes with loud stomps instead of soft paws, announcing his presence and making Kazuya laugh. His dear precious one, even if Kazuya won’t say it out loud, with his rough kitten licks I’m grooming you Miyuki Kazuya you are so dirty!!! and happy grin, that will soothe Kazuya’s worries away. He never had someone so happy to see him before.
“I want fried rice.” Eijun’s big now, probably only 5cm shorter than Kazuya, but still acts like he’s a kitten smaller than half of Kazuya’s size. He unceremoniously ducks under Kazuya’s arm and settles himself on Kazuya’s lap with an unconscious purr, and Kazuya’s life is so hard.
“Bakamura, it’s 1 am, you should be sleeping.” He tugs on one of Eijun’s ear, and EIjun hisses, batting his hand away playfully. “You ate at six.”
“Fried rice Miyuki!” During good days, Eijun is insistent. When he’s feeling particularly playful though, Eijun is outright obstinate, and Miyuki’s lost many a shirt to his claws. Miyuki sighs, and tries to dislodge Eijun from his lap.
“You have to move, if you want me to feed the bottomless pit you call a stomach.”
“No!” Eijun refuses, and contorts his body so that even his legs are on Miyuki’s lap, pulling his tail in. Patience is a virtue, and the many years tell MIyuki that Eijun’s not actually hungry and more in need of attention.
“What’s wrong Bakamura?” Miyuki’s voice is soft, and he rubs at the base of Eijun’s spine. Eijun tucks himself in, his ears flattening, and in his grip, his tail thrashes.
“You hardly have time for me anymore.” There’s a quivering note to Eijun’s voice, which sets off warning bells in MIyuki’s head, because this is not typical Eijun behaviour. “Is it because I’m big?”
“Please don’t throw me away now that I’m big!” And it’s full blown distress. Eijun has his claws fisted in Kazuya’s shirt, cutting into his palm. Miyuki registers the way his palms have pinpricks of blood. Little hiccuping sobs wrecks Eijun’s chest, jerking it where it’s pressed to Kazuya. “You don’t sleep in the same bed with me, you don’t pet me, you don’t shower me do you not like me anymore Miyuki I’ll be good I’ll be really good-”
Kazuya doesn’t know how to fix it, has been blinded by his own struggles of attraction that he failed to notice the way he’s been hurting his most precious person, with his own insensitivity, and the evidence is here, Eijun crying because Kazuya broke his heart.
He wants to kiss Eijun, to comfort him like when Eijun was still a kitten, but the Eijun now is wearing MIyuki’s shirt, his collar around his neck and a vulnerable shoulder bared, and Kazuya’s heart is a mess, because Eijun’s his to protect, but he’s having these thoughts about him now that Eijun’s bigger, he’s never felt this way for anyone before-
“I’ll always want you, you silly cat.” But for now, Eijun’s in distress and Kazuya’s feelings can wait to mess him up, so he rubs his cheek against Eijun’s, the comforting gesture he learnt, rubbing Eijun’s scent glands on his face so that Eijun will feel comforted at the sign that he owns Kazuya. “Always.”
“You’re mine, Miyuki!” Eijun’s claws are sharp, as he finally wraps his arms around Kazuya. Cats scent mark to mark their property, and Eijun marks Kazuya, rubbing his entire body against him, his supine spine arching. “Mine! I won’t give you up.”
Yes, I’m yours, Kazuya wants to say, since the moment we met. But he doesn’t, because he’s full of secrets, and this too, is another one that he swallows.